Living amidst the brokenness we find ourselves in this side of heaven inspired this year’s Ronald McDonald House Fundraiser design, but the concept of surviving personal wildfires turned out to be far more poignant than I ever anticipated; our wildfire season wasn’t over yet.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month, and this year the timing was incredibly poignant.

There were a lot of things I’d hoped to do to honor our sweet angel babes this month, but this October required recovery, rest, and healing.

So this is what I have for you, friends: a thank you and a giveaway.

Here’s the deal. This post should be happening weeks from now, overflowing with joy and eager anticipation.This news should be shared slowly and intentionally with our friends and family, resulting in laughter and hugs, not in one blanket blog post. This isn't anything like the announcement I had planned for our third pregnancy. We’re once again begging God to let our baby stay, and we’re asking for your prayers.

I’ve kept my pregnancy with this little lady pretty close to my heart. Compared to sharing weekly (or more) with Norah, it’s basically been crickets over here. That’s partially because, well, there hasn’t been much to report, which is a miracle we thank God for every day.

But it’s also because pregnancy after loss is a hard and complicated path to walk. It’s a heady cocktail of intense joy and deep sorrow with a dash of hormones giving it a little extra spice. 

“I bet you’re so excited to find out what you’re having!”

Every time I heard this, I wanted to respond with a resounding “Yes!”, and well, sometimes I did. But in all honesty, there was nothing Lane and I dreaded more than going to that 20 week ultrasound.

It's the possibility that keeps me going, not the guarantee. – Nicholas Sparks. We have some big news to share with you!