Rest + Revival
Grief is an uninvited yet profoundly wise teacher. My steps are now invisibly guided by grief much in the way a wave is led by the wind. Lessons, both those unspoken and those worn like an aged leather jacket, quietly shape the routines found in this new season.
The importance of creating space for rest is one of those lessons. More than spa time or bubble baths, truly restorative rest is a quiet act of worship, filling the soul like a breath of crisp fall air.
Rest has looked different for us in different seasons and has been found in both big and small ways: going to Faith’s Lodge, spending time in the mountains, or even simply curling up in a chair, wrapped in a blanket, hands warmed by a steamy mug, and opening my bible.
The last few weeks have given me more rest than I’ve had in almost a year, and it has been so. good.
Our summer ended with a fun and wild September. Drag racing in Kansas, a Loss Mama Meetup, and long, intense work hours for both Lane and I filled our schedules to capacity, using 101% of any physical or mental energy we had left after caring for Lora.
It was a lot of fun, but we were completely exhausted.
Thankfully, God knew that too.
October came, and Lora started sleeping through the night.
Getting consistent, consecutive hours of good sleep hadn’t happened since the middle of my pregnancy with Lora (I had significant nightly hip pain thanks to hormones, and Lora’s sleep up until this point had been A WHOLE THING).
This was, and still is, a VERY BIG DEAL.
Getting consistent sleep changed everything. Our daily routine has settled into a comfortable rhythm, slowly revealing pockets of white space. We’ve found time to cook together, do a load of laundry here and there, and finally catch up on Schitt’s Creek (10/10 would recommend).
It may seem trivial, but moments like these are where LIFE happens, and they are 100% worth celebrating.
It would have been easy to look at this newfound white space in our schedule as an opportunity to get more done; actively deciding to disconnect and rest goes against everything in today’s hustle culture.
But that’s what I did.
And it was good.
October is also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, and historically I’ve tried to be active in the loss community during this time. This year, however, the heightened awareness felt significantly heavier and this new sensitivity caught me off guard.
The slower pace I created for myself in October allowed extra breathing room, and staying fairly disconnected from social media made it less overwhelming.
You’d think after three years situations like this wouldn’t affect me so strongly, but in the same way that we go from crawling to walking, grief also changes and evolves with time.
That being said, we did have the opportunity to honor Norah and the grief community during October in a really amazing way.
I was asked to share Norah’s story, our story, at the Ronald McDonald House – Upper Midwest 40th Anniversary Gala. (I will share a separate post about this incredible night soon; there’s no way I can do it justice in a summary). Thankfully, they captured my speech live and you can watch it here.
Friends, I have never felt as tangibly or confidently in lock-step with God as I did while standing on that stage.
That night, over $690,000 was raised for the same organization that carried us through our darkest days.
That night, Norah’s fierce life played a part in rallying support for families like ours, the impact of which will touch generations.
That night, a holy energy pulsed through my veins as I stood on that stage and stared death in the face, confidently called by the One who has overcome the grave. In this family Death. Will. Not. Win.
That night?
It was a REVIVAL.
